Gypsy Poetry

I hate Tom Cruise, as the subject line says. He makes my skin crawl. I’d rather puke up nails than watch any of his movies. But why, I ask myself. Why do I hate him so?

I will attempt to explain this hatred so strong that it rivals the power of a thousand hypernovae.

• His teeth are fucked up. No, seriously. The space between your two front teeth is supposed to line up with the center of your nose. His doesn’t. See? The image quality is crap, but you can clearly see that one of his front teeth is right in the middle of his nose. That drives me CRAZY.

• All this Scientology stuff. You know, I’m all for practicing your own religion. Do what’s right for you, you know? But I get all tetchy when people try to shove their religion down everyone else’s throat. So Tom thinks that psychology is crap and people shouldn’t take antidepressants. Good for him. Where he got the authority to spout that bullshit off in interviews… I guess it was the thetans or what-the-fuck-ever. I’d like to see him get post-partum depression… actually, I’d like to see him go through childbirth. Without a genetalia-swap. Just because I hate him and I’m mean like that.
• He’s a terrible actor. The only role I’ve ever been able to stand him in was as Lestat in Interview With A Vampire. Everything else he’s been in, he’s been “TOM CRUISE as so-and-so.” The man cannot get out of his own personality when he acts. Jack Nicholson is the same way, but he’s Jack Fucking Nicholson. He can get away with it. Tom can’t.
• Jerry Maguire. I hate that movie. I hate Tom’s character, I hate Renee Zellweger’s character, I hate the whole fucking thing. It’s a disgusting love story… you know, it’s not even a love story. Jerry wanted what his buddy had: love, a wife, a gigantic dick. He never loved the chick. He liked her kid, he liked the idea of a relationship. That “you complete me” crap? I nearly tossed my cookies. Such crap.

The only explanation I can give for this rant is that it’s the end of the semester. I’m developing a migraine. I had a buildup of vitriol that needed to come out. I… am just feeling bitchy today.

And now for something completely different. TV shows. Beware spoilers for this week’s Lost and House.
House

Not a bad set of episodes. I kind of got the feeling Omar Epps was going for his Emmy nomination, but other than that, not too shabby. I like that House showed that he actually does give a damn about his ducklings, no matter how much of a bastard he is toward them. And House and Wilson just need to give up the ghost. They’re boyfriends!

Lost

I was almost at the point of giving up on this show, and this week’s ep punched me in the gut and grabbed me by the (admittedly non-existant) balls. It was dull for the most part, but the last few minutes? Holy crap. I shrieked when Michael shot Ana-Lucia and picked up the phone, calling my Wenchie-Poo. And then Michael turned around and shot Libby. We both gasped and shrieked. Talk about completely unexpected. I mean, there are usually hints of what’s going to happen floating around the internets, but that one came straight out of left field.

So now, I’m hooked on Lost again. Crap!

Sawyer? You’re a manwhore. And not in a good way, buddy. [shudders] Can’t believe he slept with Ana-Lucia. And fell for it. Like it wasn’t completely obvious that she was doing it just to steal his gun. This is what happens, Sawyer, when you think with your penis instead of your brain.